I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
