I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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