Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
