Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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