Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
