just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
