yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
