just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
