I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
