Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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