I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
