we have officially lost it.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
