dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
