My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
