Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
