Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
