Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
