Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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