Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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