you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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