**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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