yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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