I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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