mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
