I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
