You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
