You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
