Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
