I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
