She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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