dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
