So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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