lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
