Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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