Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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