you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
