What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
