He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
