I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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