Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize