i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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