Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
