I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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