I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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