Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Panties = found
Randomize
