Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Acid is not a monday night drug
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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