she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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