Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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