can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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