a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
