Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
