do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
