My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
