I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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