just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
