If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
