we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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