she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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