and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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