I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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