That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
