Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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