Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize