are you still at the devil's house?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
