If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
