when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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