Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
