direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
